Milk

Yes, I know I’ve been slacking on this blog, and I am so sorry! I swear, every night before I go to bed I think to myself that I am going to write the blog post I have rattling around in my head, but to be honest, all I really want to do is read something fluffy before I finally fall asleep. Actually composing a sentence or two seems like too much work at 11PM after a full day with the twins. And trust me, every single day is a F.U.L.L. day.

Things are getting better in terms of how I feel, though. I’ve stayed home for a number of days in a row and put myself in Baby Bootcamp to really understand their rhythms and cues. Whatever I’m doing seems to be working because I am noticing similar patterns each day, plus they are napping in their cribs now. I keep a daily log of every single thing that happens which is so beneficial and in my opinion, a must if you are trying to figure things out. And of course, as soon as the three of us are comfortable with this schedule, it will just go right out the window.

I put this old, comfy comforter on the living room floor and sprinkle toys all over it. I get down on my hands and knees and we play- we do tummy time (it’s amazing how many different positions you can think of to have twins look at each other, look away, sideways, etc), we’ll lay on our backs, all three of us will be in different positions, I’ll lay in between both of them and read a book, etc etc etc. My voice is actually a little hoarse from singing to them so much, and honest to god, I truly think my singing voice has gotten better from all this use! I’ve put my dancing/cheering background to good use and make up silly routines that I “perform” for them while they are both sitting and looking at me. One in particular just cracks them up- I have no clue what it is specifically about that one, though. Who cares, as long as it keeps them happy!

I will say that I miss my tv though! I never watch it anymore, save for perhaps 30 minutes a day. Thank goodness for DVR.

So, why is this blog post called “Milk?”

Well, as you all know out there in IF world, things that would seem exceptionally banal and benign in a normal person’s life could trigger us IFers and send us off the deep end. I had a million of those triggers, but one in particular I remember- milk cartons.

I remember a few times visiting a few different friend’s homes and opening up their refrigerators to get something. Right smack dab in front of my face was one of those huge, gallon sized (bigger maybe? I never paid attention to the actual size) plastic jugs of milk. This was in huge contrast to the teensy weensy tiny itty bitty container of milk DH and I purchased each week, as it was just the two of us. I wanted that huge container. I wanted to have so many people in my family that we needed a large container of milk. I was sick of buying the small one, sick of it just being DH and I at home. When would we be in that sacred and wonderful world of all those women at the Stop-n-Shop picking up family sized portions of everything, for their family?

I’m telling you, this depressed the hell out of me.

And now- I can buy gallon sized milk. I can buy more than a couple of Fage yogurts. I am allowed to purchase items for more than two people, because I have a family. (Yes, I believe that two people can equal a family, however you certainly don’t need to buy more food than what you need!)

I have walked into the supermarket lately and just stood in the entrance and smiled- knowing that I can now maneuver in this once treacherous mindfield and be a part of this community. A community that no one would ever think they were a part of…unless they weren’t.

I’m allowed…I’m allowed….I’m allowed oh so many things! And it’s wonderful.

Comments

[mash]

Hey Sunshine! Guess what - surprise surprise, my IVF yielded bad quality embryos. So curious to see what will happen in a few months time when we try again after being gluten free. I already feel SO much better in myself, I didn't realise that I was living my life with a permanent headache, only when it was gone did I notice the difference.

Have a huge favour to ask... Please will you finish the blurb on your last IVF on your "Who Am I/My Story" page - the best part of the story is missing ;-) Just wanted to see also how many eggs you got from your last cycle, I know it was 6 beautiful blasts? And did you ICSI them?

Loved this post, can just picture you dancing around for your twinnies!!!

[MLHB]

OMG!!! :) Glad to know I'm not the only former cheerleader breaking out old moves in order to entertain!! :) Tivo is our best friend!! B/c I'm NOT missing my True Blood!! I'll skip a shower to catch up on shows! :) This post made me laugh, cry & feel so proud for you. Milk... funny thing to bring pain but I SO get it! Now we have a fridge FULL of milk!! Who knew something so normal could be such an accomplishment?!?! WOW! Being allowed... SO hit home for me!!! I couldn't agree more!

Keep on cheering! RAH RAH RAH!!!

[Me]

I too danced and sang for the kiddo when he was that age. My husband called it "The Mommy Show". And oh how grand it is to be part of such a show! :)